I am truly sorry you had the rotten luck to find yourself in my possession. I knew when I bought you, to be perfectly honest, that you would most likely end up dead. You see, I have a pretty bad track record when it comes to African violets, shamrocks, spider plants, Boston ferns, Christmas cacti - you name it. Most of your kind has wound up in a little makeshift grave over the hill at the end of our property. Looking in your direction makes me ashamed.
So, houseplants, I say to you, at this point in the semester, "You all had better fend for yourselves." #onlythestrongsurvive